You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
do herpes really smell.
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
Randomize
