How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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