Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
