o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Randomize