So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
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