U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize