you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Randomize
