he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
Randomize
