well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Randomize