I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
