I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Randomize
