I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
Randomize
