drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
