He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
Randomize
