I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize
