ugly people sure do ruin things
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Randomize
