she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
My underwear smells like fireworks.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Randomize
