I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
