I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
