WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
Randomize
