Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Randomize