I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Randomize
