Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
Randomize
