Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize
