I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
