U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize