you turned your livingroom into a bong?
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
