is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
Randomize
