if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
Randomize
