shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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