hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
Randomize
