Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
Randomize
