Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
Randomize
