He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
Randomize
