2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
