Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Randomize
