You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
