I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
Dignity is for republicans.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
Randomize
