Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Randomize
