So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
