come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Randomize
