why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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