Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
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