Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Randomize
