So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
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