drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
