I hate your face
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Randomize
