She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize
