Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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