We're facebook friends in real life
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Randomize
