I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Randomize
