I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
