So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
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