Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
