he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
