so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
Randomize
