just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
Randomize
