The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
