tell your sister to shave her snatch
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
Randomize
