So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
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