Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
Randomize
