Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
Randomize
