i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
Randomize
