No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
Randomize
