Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
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