I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
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