I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Randomize
