If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
Randomize
