where are you?
Hypothermia
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
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